I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
not ubering you a puppy
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
