It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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