the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
