I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
