Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
