I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
