We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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