Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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