The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
