I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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