How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
