I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
