U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
