It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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