I hope mine doesn't look like that
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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