Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
