you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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