"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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