Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Randomize
