I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
