Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
