Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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