When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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