Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
