it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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