is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
