im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
