This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
