Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
