yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he shaved USA in his pubs
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
