He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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