something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Randomize
