I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
