I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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