Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
