she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
