I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
