so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize