Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
home. puking in laundry basket.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
