Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize