i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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