Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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