Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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