Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
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