I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
