I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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