I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
