I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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