Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
