Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
