Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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