Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize