I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
