do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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