Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
