no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
