so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
