Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
