My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
why is half of my head shaved?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize