One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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