there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
