I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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