Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
