apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
