I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize