Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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