I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
