I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
