Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
