remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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