Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
