She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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