the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
