My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ladies don't puke and tell
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
