He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
