Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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