im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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