The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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