It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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