Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
