How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
