hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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