Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
