im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
