It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
