Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
