He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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