I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
