I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i out mim tonsoeep
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize