it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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