just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
