kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
