Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
