i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
