I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize