hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
