Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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