im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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