The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
