i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
