You're my little dorito
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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