I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
