I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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